Ouch.

I'm now 4 days post op.

Each morning I wake up and I now know my left breast is going to fill with 'fire' when I try to lift my body from the bed. I'm finding the pain from this op to be worse than grs. I can only think this is due to being under hospital meds for a whole week after grs surgery as opposed to 1 day with ba.

I am so tired, but can only sleep for a few hours at a time. I hope this pain isn't prolonged.
As for the op. Soon, after getting out of recovery, I moved in bed and tweaked the drain to my left breast. I was out of it on anaestehtic/morphine and as the blood gushed from the wound, I lay there non plussed. It took them ages to stop the flow and a good few stitches around the drain to hold the blood in. There was a lot of early bruising.

My 310cc implants are generally feeling and looking good, but I just wish all the pains would go away quickly....

Last week

I met Xxx Xxxxxxx at the beginning of April for my consultation and was told then of the 6 month maximum wait. I volunteered that I could be available at very short notice if a cancellation came up, which the nurse took a note of.

At the end of July, I was getting anxious, so I called the Admissions Manager. At first, she told me that because my op was cosmetic, that the 6 month deadline didn't count. I said in reply that the op wasn't cosmetic in my eyes and that I saw it as part of my ongoing treatment. She went away to look at my records, then came back on the phone saying that my 6 month target wasn't until October 4th, so why was I phoning!!
I felt a little better that she was finally admitting that my wait was to be 6 months, but got the impression that I had rubbed her up the wrong way.

When I got the letter the other week there to say I was going under the knife on the 2nd Oct, I was ecstatic.

When I left the pre-clinic a week past Thursday, I didn't have a clue when I would be operated on, but they were full of 'we'll do our very best.... we'll keep you in the loop' soundbytes.
I was so disappointed, but kept a lid on it for fear of rubbing anybody else up the wrong way.

After many phonecalls, yes it could be said I was pestering her daily, I was finally given an appointment to go back to the hospital to be measured up by the surgeon. I was told over the phone last Wednesday that I should attend the same clinic as I'd been at 6 months previously. My appointment was for two thirty on the Friday.

When I got there, I introduced myself at the reception and the nurse ran her pen down the list. I was looking at it upside down and saw the time next to my name. Now, bearing in mind all the carry on I had been through up to this point, I didn't hesitate in highlighting the glaring mistake.

'Yes, just take a seat up the corridor Morgan'

'Excuse me, but the time next to my name says 16:20. I was told to be here at half past two. Or 14:30!'. I was annoyed, but wanted to remain calm, 'If there's been a mistake, I can go away and come back in 2 hours. I really don't want to sit in that waiting area all that time'

'No. Hold on. Yes, you're right. The computer does say your appointment is for half past two. It looks like yours has been brought forward. If you just take your file and tell the nurses.'

'I don't understand that. I was never at any point told to come to this hospital at 4:20. Not this week and not last, so how could it have been brought forward?'

'Oh, I don't know. Well, at least we spotted it. Just give your file ot the nurse and tell her you are the 2.30 appt, but the doctor is running 40 minutes late, mind you.'

I took the folder and walked up the narrow corridor. I gave the nurse the folder and told her I was supposed to have been seen at 2.30. She nodded and took the file and asked me to sit down.
I got the impression she hadn't listened to a word I'd said, or for that matter cared, even if she did.

I sat down with my friend and realised that a guy sitting opposite, had been watching me walk into the room and was now looking into my eyes as I sat down and looked across. He quickly glanced away, so I checked him right back out.
.........Nothing special. I looked away and started chit chatting with my friend.

I'd asked him to come the week before at the most short of notice. I had popped home from work on the way to hospital to pick up a few things. He was milling about in his work/dirty clothes.

'You're looking very beatiful'

I smiled, 'Would you like to go to the hospital with me?'

He knew I was going that afternoon and had offered to accompany me, but I had said I didn't know if I would be going straight from work.

'Look at the state of me. I'm in all my dirty clothes. I haven't shaved either. Look.' He put his hand to his face and rubbed the greywhite stubble.

'So. Who cares? Would you like to come with me?'

His face lit up and said he'd be one minute, while he went and locked the door to his flat.......

But, that was the week before.

This time, I had asked him to accompany me the day before. I knew he would wear his best bib and tucker. And he'd have a shave!
And he did.

So, we are sitting there in the waiting room and Mr Starey Eyes has been taken into a room with a nurse. It was 2.40pm and my surgeon's door opened up the corridor. An elderly woman comes out and walks away to the exit. The surgeon follows a few minutes later and speaks to the nurses outside and checks out the piles of folders he has still to see. The nurse walks back into the waiting room and says a womans name. Another eldery woman, sitting just next to where Mr Stary Eyes had been stood up and walked to the nurse. She disappeared into the surgeons consulting room.

It gets to five minutes to three and an eldery couple walk into the reception. The nurse tells them that as their appointment isn't until 4pm, that they could go along to the canteen for a coffee or something to pass the time.
Something was still bugging me that I would be sitting there until after 4pm, so I got up from the seat and started walking back up to the reception.

'I'm sorry to bother you again, but could you just confirm that my appointment was for 2.30pm? It's just that I heard what you said to that couple and theirs was for 4pm. I really don't mind..'

'No, No Morgan. Yours is 2.30pm. Hold on, I'll just go and speak to the nurses.'

A minute later and they were all back at the reception and staring at the computer screen. They muttered between themselves and then the main one went back down the corridor towards the files. She thumbed them all from the top and mine was at the bottom!!
She put mine to the top and then apologised to me and said that I would be seen next.

As always, I found myself apologising in response. Something I really should stop doing!

'No, Morgan. You were quite correct to come and say what you said. I know how much this means for you from hearing about your phonecalls'

I cut her off, 'Ah, the phonecalls', I smiled. 'I'll be known as 'the pest' up in that Admissions Office?'

She blushed, 'No, no, not at all. But yes, we do speak and we know what it means to you.'

I walked back to my friend and my seat. I told him they were either deliberately trying to wind me up, or they were all just completely incompetent.
He went for the latter, I plumped for the former. I guess I'll never know........


I was called around five minutes later. At last!!

He was smaller than I had imagined and he didn't have the wacky hair that I had seen of him on his website, or the bright scrubs. He was wearing a drab brown suit and a non descript tie and as I sat down, he didn't mirror my smiling friendly face. I was picking up negative vibes from him as he muttered something under his breath and opened my file. He was from europe, so had an accent.

'So, you are the one, the the patient, yes, I know now. So, you have been taking hormones and you lost weight? Huh?'

'Well, yes. I've been taking hormones for nearly ten years. I've never really had a bust, but yes I did lose a lot of weight, but that was a year ago.'

'You want a C cup in a teardrop implant? Is that right?'

'Yes, I think so'

He pulled back in his chair and asked me to go through to his examining room. He went out into the corridor and asked a nurse to come in and sit with us whilst he measured me up.
After about 5 minutes, he dismissed the nurse form the room and we went back into his office.

He talked and drew pictures and then asked if I had any questions. All this time, he was referring to me in the male sense. I was biting my lip and convincing myself that biologically what he was saying was correct. Also, the last thing I wanted to do was noise him up, but I was getting a wee bit worried at his aloofness.

'Have you did this operation with many transsexuals?'

'No, not in my private practice, but in the NHS I have done a few, but those are very few and far between. I specialise in breast surgery and so most of my work is with natal woman'

I was interested in the way he had said he didn't do the operation on T Girls in his private practice. He has an exclusive clinic in London and his website doesn't advertise any prices, though he does comment about his high prices and attention to aesthetics. This put me in mind straight away of the old phrase 'If you have to ask the price, then you probably can't afford it'. Surely some T-Girls would have been able to afford it and had enquired of him at some point?

I quickly come to the conclusion that he might not agree with transsexualism, or thought it was all a sham, so privately he declined as is his right to do so, to operate on girls like me. Those are just my thoughts out loud though.

I asked him how long the operation would take. He replied around 80 minutes, to which I had said was really quick. He told me that some surgeons do it in 30 minutes, but aesthetically and in his opinion, they didn't look very good. By now, he was talking about other things, which had led on from my main 2 questions. He was opening up to me.

I think by the time I left, he was on a mission to give me the chest I had always imagined. I wasn't so aware of this enthusiasm for our first 15 minutes together. I really hope I have somehow made him think again about transsexualism.

I'll ask him once everything is in place and settled down :laughs:

Waiting

Because this surgery is being done on the NHS, I don't have the option of picking or choosing who I'd like to do the op. It was the same for GRS, but I was more than happy to go under Michael Royle, who I had known about since the early 80's.

Going back to the BA. I was initially seen by Xxx Xxxxxxx 6 months ago and was under the impression that he would be doing my op, but when I went to the pre clinic last Thursday, I was told he wouldn't be doing it and instead Mr Essler would more than likely be my surgeon.
I was also told that I may or may not be going under the knife on Tuesday 2nd.
It all depended if they could get a hold of Dr Essler on the Friday to arrange an appointment today at short notice. They'd keep me in the loop, they'd be in touch.
I had never heard of this Mr Essler, so I was keen to get home and see if I could find anything out about him. All I could find was a dental surgeon from America!
I was getting annoyed. And confused.

Needless to say, it was me that had to phone them on Friday afternoon.

'No, no Morgan. We cant get a hold of him, but we'll be doing our best to get him on Monday morning.'

I spent the weekend hoping I'd get a phone call early Monday, but again, it was me that called them at lunchtime today.

'No, Morgan. Mr Essler went into theatre this morning and we havent been able to speak to him yet. We'll do our very best to speak to him this afternoon or first thing tomorrow morning'

'Look, I have a letter here telling me to attend surgery on Tuesday morning at 11.30am. Obviously that isn't going to happen. Can you give me a rough idea of when you will be booking me in for surgery? I'd just like to get things planned.'

'Well, we've provisionally booked you in w/c the 15th, so we hope to get you to meet Mr Essler and you can be measured and agree sizes and then we can order them in.'

'Order them in? I discussed all this with Xxx Xxxxxxx 6 months ago. I know what size I want to be.... And how long does it take for you to order them in?'

'Oh, so you know what size and youve spoken to Mr Stewart? Can I ask what size you want to be then?'

I told her specifically.

'Okay, well I'll have to speak to the both of them, but don't worry, we'll have you done by the end of the year.'

Now, I was pretty mad when I put the phone down. The end of the year? I'd went from thinking I'd be done within the week, to it being touch and go whether I'd be seen before the turn of the year.
If I was paying for this treatment I would have been pretty irate with her, but because it's NHS, well, you just put up with it don't you? I'm readay to flip.

It had also been bugging me that the surgeon she had told me was nowhere to be seen in the registered plastic surgeons working in the UK. I asked her at some point to spell the surgeons name for me as I'd never heard of him.

'E-L-S-N-E-R ....Elsner'

'Oh right, I was told it was Essler last week.'

It reminded me of a silly joke my mother told me years ago.

A man walks into a butchers shop and asks for a steak and kidley pie.
The butcher says 'You said kidley. Its kidney!'
And the man replies 'No, I didley!'

I did a search for this new name and it turns out the guy has a place in Harley Street, but is working as a locum at my local hospital. I'm quite happy at that, but I'm not happy at all this extra waiting. Nobody likes waiting. For anything.